Leila Zainab, Stepping Into My Fearless Self

I wasn’t always a survivor. “Survivor” is a role, a title, an energy I have stepped into upon joining the Survivor Theatre Project. I was seven years old when I was first molested by my father, or at least that was the earliest that I can remember. Growing up, the violence in my home was everywhere.  We were undocumented immigrants in a constant state of financial instability. The stress in our home was palpable. My parents had 4 jobs between the two of them, and almost never slept. I spent my days escaping into stories. My after-school theatre program was where I found refuge from the chaos of it all. For me, the sexual violence was not just a single act, it was often mixed with elements of physical and emotional violence, fear, abuse, yelling, manipulation, and aggression. All the while, I was silenced. As an undocumented immigrant, I was told that I was not able to tell the authorities for fear of deportation. It was a stifling dynamic, and one that is all too common.  

As part of my healing and empowerment, I now take every opportunity I can to speak my story
openly and confidently. Survivor Theatre Project has offered me the platform to step into my fearless self; the part of me that knows that sharing my story is part of my own healing, as well as what our world needs in order to eradicate sexual violence at its roots. STP has shown me that I can be proud of my story, that I am not alone, and that others might be inspired to speak out, too! Most importantly, speaking my story has allowed me to better understand the dynamics of violence, especially how it manifested in my own home. By speaking it, I come to know my story and experience so well, that even in the face of the naysayers, I grow stronger, and ultimately stand more firmly in my truth.