"Practicing Survivor Self-Care", by STP Co-Director Leila Zaina

As survivors, we can be hard on ourselves. We can forget to take care of our well being. We can get caught up in all of life’s responsibilities, and make ourselves last on the list of priorities. Sometimes, we forget that we deserve care at all. But we do.

Caring for ourselves is the most important thing we can do during hard times. In fact, it’s the one thing that makes all of our life’s work sustainable. Self-care keeps burnout at bay. If we don’t take care of our most precious selves, our work, our families, and our communities can suffer greatly.

So, how do we begin to self-care? It can feel like an overwhelming project, but what’s important to remember is that it is a practice and it gets easier over time. Each day, doing a small piece of self-care can create massive shifts. You don’t have to have tons of time on your hands, or need lots of money to invest. Just an intention to care, and a few minutes a day. 

1. Breathe Deep.

Breathing is an act that we take for granted everyday. The simple act of intentional breathing throughout our day can decrease our stress levels and clear our minds. Taking a few minutes a day to sit in a comfy chair and breath deeply into your belly can help ground your energy and releases tension in the body. Your life and your breath matter.

2. Make Art.

Making art can be a transformative experience for survivors of sexual violence. Art can be a channel for healing. It can help speak to experiences that can’t be told with words. Move your body. Sing a tune. Dance to a rhythm. Shake it, jump, and grind! Paint your feelings. Perform on a stage, or for yourself in the mirror. Cook a nourishing meal. Bang a drum. Slam a message. Let your poetic voice free. Sometimes survivors do not believe that art is for them. Sometimes we feel shy making or appreciating art. But it is always ours to use, create, and play with however we like. 

3. Grieve.

Giving ourselves time to grieve the violence and pain we have endured is one of the most difficult, and crucial pieces of self-care. Grief looks different for everyone. Sometimes it looks like crying; wailing, tears that flow for days, weeks, or years. Sometimes it looks like silence; quiet reflection, inner dialogue and processing. Sometimes it looks loud; angry, aggressive, screaming, punching pillows, and taking kickboxing classes. Sometimes it looks like creating distance from family members or friends who don’t provide the kind of support we need. Sometimes it is all of these things at different times. Sometimes it is none. The key is to give yourself time to try different things that might help. Grief is an ongoing process. It can come and go in waves. But know that when we give it space to be, it won’t feel as overwhelming or out of control. 

4. Write.

Writing is a powerful healing tool to utilize when overcoming trauma. Keep a small notebook or journal and dedicate it to your healing and self-love. Write down all the things you love about yourself, things you are most proud of yourself for, or simply write about how your day went. Make lists of the things you need to do. Write down your worries, your thoughts, your feelings. Write letters to your childhood self. Write letters to your perpetrator (and never send them). Write about your trauma. Write a fictional story. Blog about yoursurvivor journey to help other survivors with shared identities. Whatever your desire or message, write it! 

5. Connect to Survivor Community.

You are not alone in your healing journey. It can be immensely helpful to connect with other survivors about their survivorship and to share resources. There is healing power in exchanging stories, and supporting one another in our paths to liberation. Attend a “Healing Through Creative Arts Workshop” for survivors at the Women’s Center in Cambridge, MA (February 18th workshop info below). Connect with friends who can support and love you in the ways that you need. Join a survivor support group in your area, over the phone, or on the internet. It is in community that we find the connection, relationship, and validation we seek. 

Self-care takes time and practice. It may not come easy at first. Each time you do a small act of self-care, congratulate yourself. It is a big step. Self-care is not meant to create extra stress; it is meant as a time to heal, to reflect, and to listen to our hearts so we may be ready to take on our lives with renewed energy. Record your efforts each day and be proud of your self-care. Caring for ourselves in a culture that invalidates and silences survivors is a powerful statement. And nothing short of revolutionary!

Written by Leila Zainab, Co-Director of the Survivor Theatre Project. Her favorite self-care practice is snuggling her cat, Lily.